


Grassblades

by ehrinteakx



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Anxiety, Comfort, Drabble, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Late Night Conversations, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Neurodivergent Saihara Shuichi, Panic Attacks, Saihara Shuichi Needs a Hug, can we call this ship haruhara, maki does too but this is shuichi-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-12 22:49:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28893189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ehrinteakx/pseuds/ehrinteakx
Summary: While Kaito is too sick to train, Shuichi struggles to cope with the killing game, and the break in routine doesn't help. Maki helps calm him down.---"Hey." Shuichi snaps his head up, blinking twice to see Maki sitting next to him on the grass. When did she get here?"You're shaking," she says bluntly. Shuichi takes stock of himself. Maki was right, as usual.She presses onwards despite his shock. "Spill it."---CW: light suicidal ideation, negative thoughts, directly stated chapter one spoilers.
Relationships: Harukawa Maki & Momota Kaito & Saihara Shuichi, Harukawa Maki/Saihara Shuichi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 56
Collections: Quality Fics





	Grassblades

**Author's Note:**

> This is set around chapter 3.
> 
> Shuichi's stuttering follows how he does in the game, but also how I do in real life. I tried my best to type it out comprehensibly.
> 
> I'll be referring to everyone on first name basis because I'm writing in English and basing it off the English version. Unfortunately my Japanese is barely conversational, and it'd be an offense to my own brain to attempt to write a fic with that low level of skill and style.
> 
> Comments would really be appreciated, I'm trying to improve my writing. This is my first fic, though, so please be constructive and gentle.
> 
> I like to think this counts as autistic shuichi. should I put that in the tags?
> 
> Also, I wrote this at 4am so I apologise if there's any mistakes I missed while editing. 
> 
> That's it, enjoy!

Kaito didn't come to training today. 

With claims of colds and allergies, he had shooed Shuichi away from his door. The reassuring smile sent his way might even have placated him, had Shuichi not seen the blood on the hem of his sleeves, the droplets at the corner of his mouth. 

Kaito was sick. Far sicker than either of them were willing to admit. 

And so Shuichi let him stay in his room, let him naïvely believe that Shuichi couldn't see through his lies.

That left Shuichi with a problem. He couldn't snap the delicate threads of his daily routine, couldn't collapse the web holding him up. His step-by-step plans for the day were the only thing keeping him safe in this godforsaken dome, he couldn't destroy that by not going to training. The simple idea of training without Kaito had him feeling sick to the stomach. Careful breaths and slow steps led him out onto the grass.

So here he was, sweating even in the cool night air, desperately trying to get to 100 sit ups. It was difficult without Kaito's relaxed chatter. 

At some point he had zoned out, left cold and empty by his own brain. He sits there, curled over his knees, feeling almost like a corpse. 

Like his friends, his mind supplies. The ones he couldn't save.

It was his fault Kaede and Rantaro were dead. He was the one who told Kaede there might have been a mastermind. He was the one who killed Rantaro, not Kaede. Shuichi can't breathe anymore. He killed them both, he killed all of them. He should have been the one who died. He should never have solved that case. He should have kept his stupid mouth shut. 

Shuichi's feels like he might throw up, or maybe pass out. Maybe both? He should just... If Shuichi wasn't here would Kaito be saved from that same fate? He should ki–

"Hey." Shuichi snaps his head up, blinking twice to see Maki sitting next to him on the grass. When did she get here?

"You're shaking," she says bluntly. Shuichi takes stock of himself. Maki was right, as usual.

She presses onwards despite his shock. "Spill it."

He's calmer with Maki's presence, though he still feels weak and shaky. But, if she hadn't interrupted that train of thought...

He looks back down, fiddling with a blade of grass. Voice crackly from disuse, he mumbles to the floor. "I could have saved them." The grass is soft under his fingers, pliable. Traitorously, his brain reminds him that it's alive, unlike– "I-I sh-sshouldn't ha-ave–" The blade snaps with a sickening crunch. He squeezes his eyes shut, breath quick and unsteady.

Maki seems to have an epiphany, and turns to face him. She takes his chin in her hand. "Shuichi. Stop that." He can't. 

"You had no choice but to solve the case." She tilts his chin up, forcing him to look at her face. "If you didn't, everyone else would have died."

The mention of death doesn't help, but Maki's trying. He can't hold the eye contact he knows she's looking for. He tries for her too, really, really tries, but the thought of it makes his stomach churn and he's in the wrong headspace for risk-taking. He looks at one of her scrunchies instead, hoping she'll end the conversation here. Her hand stays put. 

"It isn't your fault." 

She's wrong, though. It is. Shuichi wants this to be over. He needs this to stop. He needs her to move her hand, his skin burns under her touch. He didn't mind touch normally, and this was rare for her, but he can't deal with it right now. He can't. He can't, he can't, he can't. 

He forces out a small, strangled "I- kn-know", but all he knows is he's a liar. A killer.

She stares at him for a bit, then lets him go. "let's do pushups," she states more than requests, already moving into position. 

Whether she believes Shuichi or senses his once again declining mental state, he's grateful to have something else to focus on. 

They spend the better part of an hour in silence, aside from Shuichi's ragged breathing. Maki seemed to have noticed the difficulty, and slowed her pace to match him. Even so, she finished before him, tucking barely loose strands back into her twin-tails. 

\---

By the time Shuichi finishes his set, it's evident that Maki's distraction worked. It's nice, he thinks, training with Maki. Even if she isn't particularly fond of feelings or affection, Shuichi can tell she cares. Something about their quiet comraderie eases his anxieties.

Shuichi flops down onto his back. Funny, he'd never noticed how pretty the stars were. The gentle hues of the night sky were oddly calming, helping him take deep breaths. The vast expanse of space should make him feel small, and some corner of his mind did register that, but he mostly just feels safe.

The cool air brushes over his nose, but Shuichi's content under his starry blanket. Maybe this is what Kaito feels when he talks about space.

Maki studies him for a moment, before gingerly laying next to him, an uncertain - maybe confused - air radiating off her. He turns to face her.

"Maki, have you stargazed before?" He asks. 

Kaito had told them all about the stars. Over games, in the middle of training, and even the few times Kaito had managed to drag Shuichi out of his room for breakfast. Even with all of his passion for the sky, they had never really stopped to lay down and look. Kaito had, certainly, but him and Maki had always been too focused on other things to take any breaks.

He takes a deep breath now, as Maki turns towards him, hands under her head.

"No, I haven't." She moves to observe the stars. "Fun wasn't allowed where I lived." 

He frowns involuntarily, glad she's no longer facing him to see it. "I'm sorry."

Her eyes move back to his face. "Don't be. Have you stargazed?"

Shuichi smiles a bit. "Only with Kaito." 

She doesn't say anything in reply. They simply lay there together, just observing the stars. The evening was a far cry from the pure positivity Kaede threw into every moment they were together, but it was safe here with Maki. He could breathe.

"Why are you so different in the trials?" 

He shoots up from the grass. "Wh-what? I-"

She sits up too, trying to explain, to soothe. "You're a lot more calm in them. Stronger."

Shuichi tries not to freak out. What was he meant to say? How could he explain something like that? Did he even know why he was different? Maki waits for him to gather his thoughts.

"I-," His eyes flick to hers, then back to the floor. "I guess investigating is the only thing I know how to do. It feels like... if I stop I-I'll fall apart." He sucks in a breath. "When we're not in the trials, though, the fear catches up to me." He huffs a bitter laugh, picking at his sleeve. "Stupid, right?"

She just shakes her head. "No."

A beat.

"I'm scared too."

Shuichi doesn't know what to say. With her endless rationality and stoic demeanor, he hadn't realised she might be afraid of everything going on. An oversight, on his part (they had been kidnapped, for god's sake). Whether or not their fears were the same, though, didn't matter to him. She understood and that was all he really needed. 

"We're both a little fucked up, huh?" she whispers, a hint of a smile in her voice.

He laughs softly, finally making eye contact with her. "Yeah. I think... we'll be okay, though."

\--  
What could have been minutes or hours later, Shuichi dozes off to the sound of Maki's voice.  
\--

They wake up to entwined pinkies and the smell of grass, bathed in the early morning sun.

**Author's Note:**

> please leave a comment if you liked it. I'll do my best to reply.


End file.
